|
Wisdom Or Something Like It!
Saturday July 14, 2007
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back,
" University of Oklahoma "
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies,
"I'll miss you..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
Ans: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding Anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
----------------------------------------------------------- | | Posted by Sassy at 4:35 PM - | |
|
|
Friday July 13, 2007
This is a great story......
The Seed
A successful Christian business man was growing old and knew it was time to
choose a successor to take over the business.
Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do
something different. He called all the young executives in his company
together.
He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have
decided to choose one of you. "The young executives were shocked, but the
boss continued."I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very
special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one
year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I
will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the
next CEO"
One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a
seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story.
She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.
Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about
three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds
and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but
nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still
nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have
a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by--still nothing in
Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and
tall plants, but he had
nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept
watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought
their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't
going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what
happened. Jim felt sick at his stomach, it was going to be the most
embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his
empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety
of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful--in all shapes
and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues
laughed, a few felt sorry for him!
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.
Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great
plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of
you will be appointed the next CEO!" All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the
back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the financial director to
bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a
failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"
When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed -
Jim told him the story
The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then
announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive!
Hi s name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.
How could he be the new CEO the others said?
Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed.
I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me
today.
But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for
them to grow. All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and
flowers.
When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed
for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to
bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the
new Chief Executive!"
If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
If you plant hard work, you will reap success
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap
later.
| | Posted by Sassy at 7:51 PM - | |
|
|
You got to love this one. Don't you wish we all had the guts to do it.
Oh My Goodness.......This is just too incredible.....You've got to read it to the end!!!
Shown below , is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, over- charging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be a ware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending t o nature.
# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
# 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)
'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE " SENIORS" !!!!!
| | Posted by Sassy at 7:48 PM - | |
|
|
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher, whose hand
was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a
conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to Nancy Pelosi and her elevation to
speaker of the house. The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Nancy is a
"post turtle'."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a "post turtle"
was. The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and
you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post
turtle."The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he
continued to explain.
"You know he didn't get there by himself; he doesn't belong there; he
doesn't know what to do while he's up there; and you just want to help the
dumb animal get down."
| | Posted by Sassy at 7:46 PM - | |
|
|
It will put a smile on your face..JJ
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas.
Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, "What seems to be the problem"?
"I'm out of gas."
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"?
Scroll down
Scroll down
Scroll down
The bee answered, "Bee Pee."
I see you smiling J | | Posted by Sassy at 7:43 PM - | |
|
|
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63
| |
Have you checked out the
new Blogstream site,
Question Stream.com?
Many Blogstream members are there
already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant
gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
|
|
2359 Visitors
|
